Friday, August 15, 2008

Take It Like a Woman

Well, since the ol' Roundhouse Rooster hasn't been showing his face lately, I guess I'll do what I do best, which is TAKE CONTROL OF THE SITUATION FOR MY OWN TACTICAL BENEFIT.

Today, while on my continuing mission of T.I.A., I came across this report (okay, I didn't; my crew did during breaks from gold-farming. What? C-4's expensive....), in which a Georgian journo is dubbed "The Rambo of Lady News Reporters"  for GETTING SHOT WHILE DOING A LIVE REPORT IN A WAR ZONE. Observe:



Having taken (and given) plenty of lead in my day, I can tell you the young lady HANDLED IT LIKE A SOLDIER, continuing her report even as she's being bandaged up. (And, I have to admit, it's kinda flattering to have someone so tough nicknamed after you.)

See, Chuckles? You FINISH THE MISSION, regardless of threat to life and limb.  Maybe you could ponder this as you sit around in your multi-colored diaper, trying to reach a "higher state of consciousness" by paying hucksters a "lot of money".

Because you can bet your ass that I'll finish mine.

Until that day,
R-bo

(I don't really understand what the above designation signifies; it's just what my cyber-crew calls me).



Monday, August 11, 2008

Tool Alert

Field Report:

Well, all available recon points to Chuckles hiding out with his cult, wearing silk diapers in a cave, and waiting for the world to end (which I am equipped to arrange, Chuck, so give me a call...please).

Anyways, while I wait for my furry friend to show his chest in public again, I keep my skills sharp with repeated combat and stalking drills, using targets of the douche variety.

My recent alternate: Steven "Shiny Scalp" Seagal. Since I can't bring myself to hunt helpless prey, I always choose someone with at least some skill or weaponry (sole exception being reserved for Dr. Phil: you want me to "get real"? Okay, how 'bout I use my jungle boot to "get real" far up your ass?).

But, yeah, Seagal's got some training, as this video intel clearly shows:




So, if ol' Ponytail and I get into a slapfight, I'll walk away with pink cheeks and hurt feelings. That's okay. I'm man enough to be in touch with my emotions. But him?





Whatsamatta, Seagal? Are you so bummed that you (in defiance of all logic) used to boink Kelly LeBrock, and can no longer drink from that fountain of '80s goodness?



Yo, Kelly: Tease me like you tease those bangs...


And if you were being pouty, could we even tell? Sure, some people play it close to the vest, but you have to actually be wearing one. Like I do, is this awesomely manly clip of me in action:



What else would you wear while skiing under a half-track? Sleeves? Well, maybe Chuck would. His chest pelt probably keeps him warm enough that he could pull it off.

It is said that Chuck Norris does not sleep, he waits. Yep, he waits for me to INFILTRATE HIS AIRSPACE:





Keep waiting, Chuckles. I'm coming.

-Rambo, signing off.